Tangential

Never start a blog without giving it a title first. Shite.
You are supposed to formulate your message before you write.
I’ve gotten into rhyme lately. Not! It was just an accident.
Now I need another, just because I did one before, make it opulent.

Fuck it. I’m off on a tangent to my tangent. OK, there’s my title. Now I can continue writing this nonsense, and make sure it loses its focus. I wouldn’t want to go straight to my point without turning my readers inside out first, or maybe I don’t want to get to a point. Maybe I’m just messing with you today. I was about to say fucking with you, but I’ve already used that swear word, and I try to keep my blogs clean of such detritus. Except that I’ve done it again. Sex, seduction, sensuality, sedition. Err, where did that last one come from? I’m immoral. Some would say that – those who wish to impose their morality on others, those who destroy to rebuild in their own image. That’s my haiku for today: Morality.

And my stand-in muse has prodded me with another thought. Possession. (The rentboy is on holiday.) I’m possessed. Possessed by impure thoughts, obsessed by them, and obsessed with oppression – but that’s a digression. Can one digress from a completely pointless missive? Well, I’m permissive, so I guess I can. Don’t be dismissive! Oh, I’m back to impure thoughts. Actually, they never leave me, but I can be cynical about them, so don’t be critical, or optical, or hydrical. OK, I made that last one up. What shall it mean? I guess it would mean: of water. I can’t seem to type this morning, I cept tyring to type hater instead of water. Today I’m a water person, wiley old fire-water. Queen of Wands strangling her internal Princess of Cups. That’s my angle, or triangle?

Blah!

Here’s the card of the day, freshly picked just for you:

V.  The Heirophant. 

Stubborn strength, toil, endurance, placidity, manifestation, explanation, teaching, goodness of heart, help from superiors, patience, organization, peace.

OK. After all that, maybe I have a goodness of heart (which I do my best to hide). In my lurid, lucid placidity, let me explain, or not. I’m externally a mess, but internally hyper-organized, externally a wreck, internally patient and at peace.

I am the duality of being human.

Or inhuman, or a deity, or whatever you think I am, because you have thoughts and opinions (which only few of you voice in your comments, or lack thereof). But who am I to complain? Come on, speak to me. I don’t bite, one bit. (At least not today. I just wander off on tangents.)

 

Chaotic

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Photo by Ivan Obolensky from Pexels

Far from chaotic, today was a day of reconnection, a sublime new restaurant (awesome Mexican egg breakfast), and whimsical thoughts. How do I get chaos from that?

I am the seed of chaos. That’s a new one for you. I bring chaos, the fury and passion of love, and all the fluttering of the heart that goes with it. As you can see from the array of topics of my recent haiku, I flit about from subject to subject, emotion to emotion as the wind blows, as the devil (or angels) take me: sunburn, delirium, death, weather, sex, and today: sleep or more sex, depending on how you interpret it.

Today’s card:

3 of Swords. Sorrow.

Why sorrow? It’s the dark and heavy womb of chaos. It is also the transcendence of the natural order, secrecy, and/or perversion. (This wouldn’t be the first accusation of perversion. You should should see the review of my first Amazon Breakthrough Novelist Award entry! “A series of sexual fantasies…”) Erotic yes, perverted no. Stir the pot, let the fantasies boil. The storm broods under implacable night.

Well, it is supposed to storm in a couple of hours. The night, my boudoir, lit large by an electrical storm, stirs fantasy, engenders chaos. Ecstasy.

Credo

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Photo by Daria Shevtsova from Pexels

I believe.

I believe in my disbelief and my unbelief.

I believe in love, love of one another, and love of the power behind all things. I believe that all sentient beings were made to love, yet some love the wrong things in the wrong way. That is part of living.

I believe in freedom. The freedom to express, to say the wrong things as well as the right things, to do the wrong things as well as the right ones. I am free to cover or uncover, to show or conceal, it is up to me to make choices and leave others free to make their own choices.

I believe in knowledge and truth, as well as lies and half truths. All are equal. All serve a purpose. I will often tell you if I am lying. In that I reveal my truth without revealing data that you shouldn’t know.

I believe that I cannot truly know right and wrong, yet anything that violates love, freedom, truth, or knowledge, or those rights of others, cannot be truly right. Who am I to judge, and what right does the “church” have to judge?

I believe there is more than what the church offers. There are coincidences that cannot be explained by traditional religion.

I consider myself a lapsed-Catholic, yet I still go to church regularly. I do not belong to a particular parish. I do not believe in doctrine, yet the core is still there and is tucked somewhere in my beliefs. Much of church doctrine was designed to control their believers.

I believe there is a power behind all things that bestows talents on everyone by design.

I have been involved with Wiccans, yet I am not of their number. The experiences that I have had with them are the same as what has turned me off from traditional Catholicism. I have read tarot, cast spells, and even expelled a ghost (although that isn’t what I would really call it – releasing her is probably a better description). As I describe them in my Ezzie stories, these are blind talents. I am not sensitive to ghosts, yet I have had friends who were, and things I did (on my own) were reported back to me. A spell had accidentally disturbed a ghost, and a healing spell that I later cast released the ghost. Again I did this without the knowledge of the others, and they later reported that the ghost had left, and that it happened the night I cast the spell. Spells have consequences, and I have learned to fear those consequences. They change what is natural and that must be balanced. That is why I no longer cast them.

I believe that the Tarot reads the indications of the present, not a predestined future.

I came to the Tarot by accident. A friend of mine had a Rider-Waite deck, and since I had had several readings done, I knew a little about them. This friend asked me to explain them. I thought the best way to do it was through a reading – I really had no idea what I was doing. In the reading I made a prediction (by misreading a card, in fact) that came true – very clearly – the next day. I have done random readings for friends, but not recently, and I no longer read for myself. (There was one card that came up in every reading for me over a span of 2-3 years, which I could never explain.)

I believe in dreams. I have dreamed of people years before I met them.

I believe in reincarnation, although I can’t say I understand it. I have met people who I instantly click with, like I’ve known them forever. I suspect it is because I have.

These are all things that determine who I am.

I am the Carnal Goddess, the Angel of Love, the Black Heart, a solitary, and a Priestess with given talents of fantasy, creation, and interpretation. All things come from within.

Who are you?