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I’ve already posted twice on TCoA today, so I’ve written you another little ditty, pretty.

Dance the minuet
One, two, three, and
glance at another
touch her partner

a simple caress
that says more
catch his eye

we can all play
at this game
four, five, six

linger longer
play for time
some of us
play for keeps

Method in madness

With all the nonsense and gibberish poetry I’ve been experimenting with, I thought I would write a haiku in one of my invented languages: Chyllkrnny

That’s a word with multiple meanings based on context. It can mean chosen, or the chosen, or add an h at the end and it means the chosen ones. It is a magic race of people that live underground, only visiting the surface for certain supplies necessary for magic spells and potions. The story is epic in proportion, and probably too much for me to finish in a single lifetime. It’s another one of those things I’ve set aside. I’ve put the translation below, but I couldn’t quite fit it into haiku without losing essential meaning.

The Cult of Hahn has a significant amount of non-Latin chant in it, i.e. it looks and sounds like Latin, but mostly isn’t. I may post one of the chants at some point. I’ve also written another story (again under an alias) that has significant amounts of another invented language, but the narrator has only been able to figure out a few phrases of it.

On that note, I’m going to be out and about for the next few days, so you may not hear much from me until next week.

Today’s card:

I’ve picked several repeat cards today, but this one fits in with the poetry.

Ace of Cups.

Essentially this is the root or the seed of love, and represents new relationships, compassion and creativity.

In the poem, the chosen one feels a deep spiritual love/connection for an outsider, who is forbidden to her. Her penance is to go on a quest for a list of ingredients for a potion, while under the influence of another potion (of forgetting). If she succeeds, she may or may not be permitted her forbidden love. If she can’t find all the ingredients, she will forget her love for him forever.



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Today’s a business day. I’m meeting someone to collaborate with on a project. I’ve known him for about 15 years, and used to play in an orchestra with him. We are probably looking at a 2-year lead time, so you probably won’t hear anything about it for a while, and since it is part of RL, you probably won’t hear much about it here.

It’s another dank rainy day, and I’m still feeling a little lowercase. I wrote a poem yesterday on TCoA that wasn’t at all what I expected, as well as a stream on EJO. I’m going to post any new Hot Tub streams there from now on, rather than at TCoA and copy it later there. It will just save a little bandwidth and brain-width. Today may be a quiet day from me, as I leave for my meeting in a half hour, and may actually work when I get back, if I’m inspired.

Today’s haiku: Lupine

I had thoughts of some word play with supine, but Lupine is also the adjective for wolf-like, and I took that road instead. Maybe I’ll write another about being supine …

Today’s card:

XIII. Death. More literally, change. Yesterday’s card, the Universe, is also all about change, and every change is the effect of an act of love and contains pure joy.

One suggestion is to “die daily.” Death is the apex of one curve of existence. Treat opposites as necessary complements, and rejoice. Transformation, change, voluntary or involuntary, in either case logical development of existing conditions, yet perhaps sudden and unexpected. Apparent death or destruction, but such interpretation is illusion.

I included a more complete interpretation of this card than usual, reminding me that I’m about to get in the car and drive for 45 min each way. The Death card rarely actually means death, but I don’t want to push it. It means change or transformation. Maybe my meeting will be a transformational experience. Maybe I’ll get wet and melt away, or turn crystalline, like those magic rocks we played with in science class in school. Maybe my sunburn will peel off and I’ll be babe-like once again.

That’s it. I’ll stick with that. I’ll be reborn as a 20-year-old.



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Far from chaotic, today was a day of reconnection, a sublime new restaurant (awesome Mexican egg breakfast), and whimsical thoughts. How do I get chaos from that?

I am the seed of chaos. That’s a new one for you. I bring chaos, the fury and passion of love, and all the fluttering of the heart that goes with it. As you can see from the array of topics of my recent haiku, I flit about from subject to subject, emotion to emotion as the wind blows, as the devil (or angels) take me: sunburn, delirium, death, weather, sex, and today: sleep or more sex, depending on how you interpret it.

Today’s card:

3 of Swords. Sorrow.

Why sorrow? It’s the dark and heavy womb of chaos. It is also the transcendence of the natural order, secrecy, and/or perversion. (This wouldn’t be the first accusation of perversion. You should should see the review of my first Amazon Breakthrough Novelist Award entry! “A series of sexual fantasies…”) Erotic yes, perverted no. Stir the pot, let the fantasies boil. The storm broods under implacable night.

Well, it is supposed to storm in a couple of hours. The night, my boudoir, lit large by an electrical storm, stirs fantasy, engenders chaos. Ecstasy.



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I believe.

I believe in my disbelief and my unbelief.

I believe in love, love of one another, and love of the power behind all things. I believe that all sentient beings were made to love, yet some love the wrong things in the wrong way. That is part of living.

I believe in freedom. The freedom to express, to say the wrong things as well as the right things, to do the wrong things as well as the right ones. I am free to cover or uncover, to show or conceal, it is up to me to make choices and leave others free to make their own choices.

I believe in knowledge and truth, as well as lies and half truths. All are equal. All serve a purpose. I will often tell you if I am lying. In that I reveal my truth without revealing data that you shouldn’t know.

I believe that I cannot truly know right and wrong, yet anything that violates love, freedom, truth, or knowledge, or those rights of others, cannot be truly right. Who am I to judge, and what right does the “church” have to judge?

I believe there is more than what the church offers. There are coincidences that cannot be explained by traditional religion.

I consider myself a lapsed-Catholic, yet I still go to church regularly. I do not belong to a particular parish. I do not believe in doctrine, yet the core is still there and is tucked somewhere in my beliefs. Much of church doctrine was designed to control their believers.

I believe there is a power behind all things that bestows talents on everyone by design.

I have been involved with Wiccans, yet I am not of their number. The experiences that I have had with them are the same as what has turned me off from traditional Catholicism. I have read tarot, cast spells, and even expelled a ghost (although that isn’t what I would really call it – releasing her is probably a better description). As I describe them in my Ezzie stories, these are blind talents. I am not sensitive to ghosts, yet I have had friends who were, and things I did (on my own) were reported back to me. A spell had accidentally disturbed a ghost, and a healing spell that I later cast released the ghost. Again I did this without the knowledge of the others, and they later reported that the ghost had left, and that it happened the night I cast the spell. Spells have consequences, and I have learned to fear those consequences. They change what is natural and that must be balanced. That is why I no longer cast them.

I believe that the Tarot reads the indications of the present, not a predestined future.

I came to the Tarot by accident. A friend of mine had a Rider-Waite deck, and since I had had several readings done, I knew a little about them. This friend asked me to explain them. I thought the best way to do it was through a reading – I really had no idea what I was doing. In the reading I made a prediction (by misreading a card, in fact) that came true – very clearly – the next day. I have done random readings for friends, but not recently, and I no longer read for myself. (There was one card that came up in every reading for me over a span of 2-3 years, which I could never explain.)

I believe in dreams. I have dreamed of people years before I met them.

I believe in reincarnation, although I can’t say I understand it. I have met people who I instantly click with, like I’ve known them forever. I suspect it is because I have.

These are all things that determine who I am.

I am the Carnal Goddess, the Angel of Love, the Black Heart, a solitary, and a Priestess with given talents of fantasy, creation, and interpretation. All things come from within.

Who are you?